Combating the Loneliness of Leadership
Leadership can be a lonely place, whether by nature of the role itself, your current life stage and/or working circumstances. While my career has been blessed with many connections and wonderful work friendships, it’s also seen numerous periods of loneliness.
When I moved into leadership, I started to feel my role was an impediment to friendship, especially with those who were formerly my peers. I struggled with how to behave, what to share vs what to hold back, and generally, how to hold my responsibility to the business alongside my desire for connection.
Each time a treasured colleague left to pursue a new opportunity, the change in the dynamics challenged my sense of connection.This was exacerbated by having more commitments outside of work, which meant that my social world no longer revolved around my job.
As a remote employee on a mostly co-located team, I struggled with feelings of missing out, especially on casual bonding like grabbing lunch together or sharing a joke at the water cooler.
And while I never fully eradicated feelings of loneliness, I did develop some strategies for combating it and cultivating a sense of belonging:
Nurture your squad: Find those who you connect with— especially on work matters—and who persist beyond any one job. This might include past work colleagues and those in similar roles at other companies. Whenever I was feeling the loss of not having a confidant at work, these were the folks I turned to for venting or advice. While your squad might not give the same instant gratification that comes with working in the same company, they often come with the benefit of relating to you on a deeper level.
Develop a care team: Having professionals on your side is a great way to receive consistent and ongoing support, while also helping your personal and professional development. I noticed a reduction in work stress (and I bet my boss noticed a reduction in the number of freak outs directed their way) simply having the knowledge that I had a regular, bi-weekly time set with my coach to work through challenges. Not only was it comforting to have a consistent meeting, but my coach’s unwavering belief in my creativity and resourcefulness made me feel like I belonged.
Slow down and make time for high touch: While I was already a seasoned remote worker at the start of the pandemic lockdown, I still struggled with feelings of isolation. I found that by prioritizing time for connection — whether with people I passed on my walks or by spending more time checking in with someone before getting down to business — I felt less lonely. Research by Ryan Jenkins and Steven Van Cohen, authors of Connectable: How Leaders Can Move Teams from Isolated to All In confirms that relationships don’t have to be lasting to be meaningful.
Due to a variety of circumstances, developing friendships at work might not feel as naturally occurring as it used to be. However, with a bit of effort and intentionality, you can cultivate a sense of belonging that will serve you throughout your entire career.