A Love Letter to Work Friends
Having spent many summers in different locations for work, I have a tendency to get nostalgic around this time of year. These fond memories are peppered with so many examples of the impact of having friends at work.
I’ve found myself drawn to others’ reflections on work friendship: first the New York Times article The Magic of Your First Work Friends, and, more recently, Reid Hoffman’s commencement address The Importance of Friendship: How Personal Relationships Impact Your Life and Career (which, naturally, was sent to me by my longtime work best friend).
We’re probably talking about actual work
Inspired by what I’ve recently read and listened to, I wanted to share three ways work friends have served me — it’s my love letter to work friendship:
Making work more fulfilling.
Working for a classical music festival in a small mountain town, I had 24/7 exposure to my colleagues. We worked an intense summer schedule, hung out together, and were all housed in the same apartment complex. It was a true blurring of work and personal. The bonds we created from sharing meals, hiking the mountains, and the occasional late-night mishap lead to strong bonds at work. In order to excel in our jobs, we helped each other out and collaborated well, even though our supervisors didn’t necessarily. Our professional and personal ambitions and connections were self-reinforcing, which is what made it one of the richest opportunities as an adult for making friends and was also one of the most rewarding work experiences I’ve had.
Shaping & reinforcing your self-identity.
When working at my first start-up, I made two new work friends by bonding over a shared love of Tieks shoes and bringing a packed lunch to work. Over our lunch talks (and coffee chats and mid-day snack breaks), I shared my ambitions to pivot in my design career and they shared their expertise and encouragement. By them seeing who I was and who I was becoming, I began to believe in the strength of my skills and capabilities, which ultimately helped me land a new role doing the kind of design work I wanted to be doing.
Helping you by allowing you to help them.
Early in having taken on a leadership role while working on a distributed team (a double dose of loneliness), a new work friend invited me to advise on a special project she was spearheading. To be trusted to support such work not only was gratifying, but also increased my sense of self-trust. As we continued to turn to each other for help over the years, there was a gradual shift from asking for help on projects to asking for help related to our hopes and dreams. There’s a vulnerability now innate in our requests, and with that, a deeper sense of gratification. It can be so difficult to ask for help, and yet, it’s such a gift to the other person to be trusted to provide support.
Right now might feel like a tender time to be reflecting on work friendships, either from the current lack of them or the sense of isolation of working remotely. While I do want to address that challenge, for now I’d encourage you to give some space to savoring the impact of your work friends. Perhaps reach out to those folks who have made work more fulfilling, shaped your self-identity, or helped you by allowing you to help them. Reminiscing is a great method of rekindling.