More Human Being and Less Human Doing

A few weeks ago I facilitated an all-day leadership offsite for a new client. I put in lots of work ahead of the event, fine-tuning the schedule to meet the client’s goals and to create a great, interactive experience. I considered the common energy patterns throughout the day, how long adults can hold attention, how much information they can take in at one time, how often one needs to use the restroom, etc. 

And so I showed up that Friday with my carefully-crafted presentation, participant workbooks, and laminated schedule for the day. And once I had tested my tech and was all set up… I waited and began to wonder, “now what?”

And it was during that first moment of waiting that I started reflecting on what my job really was for the day. Ultimately, I saw myself as responsible for holding the space for the day. All of my careful planning and preparation had set a framework for that space, but the day of, there was not much for me to do and a whole lot for me to be. 

Doing is about the actions you take. They’re often the “next steps” and things on your To Do list. Much of doing is about the outward expense of your energy. Being is about the attributes of who you are; it’s the spirit and presence you have at any given moment. When in being you expend your energy inward. 

During coaching sessions, I often draw my client’s attention to the distinctions of doing and being. Not surprisingly based on our culture’s emphasis on proactivity and achievement, many of us tend to focus much more on the doing, and if we’re not doing, we lose a sense of what our value and contribution is.

And so, as this workshop began to kick off, I had to remind myself of the value of my being and how it would contribute to holding the space for the participants; that they would benefit equally from the experience they had as from the things they learned. 

It can be challenging to lean into the doing. I tend to fall into a trap of trying to figure out what I need to do in order to be. For example, if I want to be more aware, I have a tendency to start thinking of what behavior patterns or tasks are needed to help me be aware. And that’s not to say that action isn’t important but it’s worth decoupling them to truly grasp what it means to be. 

Ultimately what is needed is a balance between taking action or doing and presence or being.

I’ve found that embracing more being is actually an immense relief. It means that solving a situation doesn’t necessarily mean adding anything new to my To Do list. In the case of the workshop the other week, it meant that I identified the attributes I wanted to inhabit — flexibility, intentionality, and spaciousness — and trusted that being as such was the value I would bring to the present moment. 

I’d challenge you the next time you’re problem solving to not only identify what next steps you’ll take (the doing) but also to identify how you want to show up (the being).