Creating Lasting Transformation: Identify Values At-Play (part IV)
This is part 4 of 6 in a series about the process for making lasting transformation through intentional exploration and conscious choice-making. Read part 3 here.
Now that you have clarity on your current behaviors, we want to dig deeper to identify the purpose that they serve in order to address the root cause of the behavior.
Our actions are driven by deeply rooted values — intrinsically-held principles and beliefs that shape our sense of meaning and importance. As you consider your current behaviors, get curious about how they relate to your values.
For your meditation habit, the lack of a consistent time to practice might give you a sense of flexibility, allowing you to adjust your schedule according to your energy level and daily whims. To have a rigid definition of what qualifies as meditation helps you know definitively whether it’s been accomplished or not, and checking things off the To Do list builds a sense of confidence.
In order to uncover the the purpose behind what you’re currently doing (and not doing), ask yourself:
How does my current behavior serve me?
What’s working with the way things currently are?
What’s the underlying motivation?
Another way to build understanding is to think about suppressing the current behavior and explore what concerns arise. When working with clients, sometimes they struggle to identify the values underlying their behavior, but if I challenge them to abandon their current approach, that elicits an emotional reaction. We then explore the fears driving that reaction.
By identifying the emotions surrounding the concern, you begin to find something that you’re protecting — and you’re protecting it because it’s important to you. To back your way into the purpose and value of your current state behaviors using concern and emotion, ask yourself:
If I did the opposite of [what I usually do], what is the most uncomfortable feeling that arises?
What about the feeling is so disconcerting?
What’s the underlying concern or fear?
As you take the time to reflect on these questions, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of why you behave the way you do. This insight will then help you make changes that are aligned with your values and beliefs — the key to making the change lasting.
In the next installment, I’ll share the fourth step in the process, which is to identify the limiting beliefs that you hold. Limiting beliefs cause tension between your current behavior and your goals, often making you feel stuck because of the unresolved dissonance.